Musings

All I ever wanted was to be in love and to be loved
and to have loads of money of course.
so why cant I ever find happiness
why does it always work for others and not for me.

Sometimes I do get so very tired with all of this
Tired of Existence
Tired of the everyday struggle
Tired of all the bullshit that I get from people
Just Tired.

Need a break...Need a KitKat...lol.....I just need something new in my life.
That when I wake up in the morning,
I'm happy to be alive for another day.
Happy that I will make a difference in someone's life
and that my life will somehow change for the better.

Life does suck for those people who only wish for some sort of happiness to creep into their lives.
One of my dearest friends on the net is experiencing problems in her life,
And I only wish that I could be there for her
To help her
To give those soothing words of comfort that she needs.
Her pain, her broken heart I want to heal.
It hurts me,That she is Hurting.
WHY !!!
Why does the Shit always hurt the good ones.

Life is sure a Fucking Bitch.

Sometimes I wish that I could just run away,
Run away from everything and everyone
Start afresh with a new Identity...A new me....
I was always good at changing my Identity's
or was that just me not really knowing who I was?
and trying to find the real Jason...Somewhere in this shell...

Why do I still have those dreams...
The ones of Dread...
The ones of Darkness and Despair...
The dreams of the Unending Dark Smiles and Shadow Thoughts.
What are they telling me?
Are the dreams the real me....The real soul of this shell?

Will I ever find out the truth about my parents?
Will I ever be happy again?

Like the saying goes....
Only Time Will Tell....