Having a Laugh

Winnie the Pooh was based on psychological problems:
Pooh has an eating disorder,
Piglet suffers from anxiety,
Eeyore has major depression,
Tigger has ADHD,
Rabbit has OCD,
and Christopher Robin must be a drug addict if his stuffed animals talk to him...


SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes to the belly.
He was 71.
Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dill Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes


A dying granny tells her granddaughter -
"I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor and other equipment, the farmhouse and £22,398,750.78 in cash."
The granddaughter, about to be rich, says, "oh my granny, you are so generous. I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"
With her last breath, her granny whispered, "Facebook..."


Closet necrophiliacs:
Forever resisting the urge to crack open a cold one.


French military capacity was severely damaged today when it was announced that their biggest white flag factory burnt down.


You're about as much use as a sadomasochistic mute with a safe word.


A little girl walks into her parent’s bedroom one night, looks at her mother and screams "Holy Shit ".
"And you wanted to take me to the Doctors for sucking my thumb !"


I dream of a better world.....
Where chickens can cross the road without having the motives questioned


I'm such a prankster!
I stood motionless in Madame Tussaud's for around 20 minutes and had people smiling and pointing at me, whispering to each other, wondering if I was famous and who I was!
It was great until some bloke ruined it and said,
"Mate, stop fucking about. 2 adults and a child please".


Why did the chav cross the road?
I thought as I accelerated


I met my wife for coffee in town earlier.
She couldn't make her mind up, so I asked the waitress what she'd suggest. She said, "Mocha"
So in a whiney high pitched voice, I said,
"Ooh, I can't think of a fucking coffee because I'm a stupid bitch!"


TRANSFROMERS! Dyslexics in disguise!


Saw this ad whilst watching TV.
"Car Spotter! Just text your registration number and you'll get two messages about price and performance.”
I turned to my mate and said
"That's funny. Your mum works in exactly the same way."


Two deer walk out of a gay bar.
One looks ashamed.
His friend asks him what's wrong.
He says, "I can't believe I blew 50 bucks in there."


Easter and Halloween are my favourite holidays.
they both celebrate murder and chocolate.


So the rescue strategy for Libya is:
Get in; Blow shit up;
Ask someone else to take charge 'cos we've run out of ideas...
Anyone would think the Americans were in char... Oh.


I've tried loads of different sex positions, but in the end I always go back the basic missionary. There's something about being face to face with your lover and giving them a big snog that's just really satisfying. I just wish the sheep would feel the same way.


I was hanging with a couple of friends this morning when I thought, Suicide pacts aren't for me.


Apple's next overpriced & unnecessary product will be dedicated to those people who stand in queues for hours just to get one...
It's called the iDiot.


Lepers - taking the phrase 'LMAO' to a whole new level.


Steven Hawking is releasing a new single.
It's called - "Stair lift to Heaven"


Stephen Hawking got sent out of class because the teacher didn't like his tone.


Dwarves.. First to smell a fart and last to find out it's raining


Essex, the only place in the country where on Sunday morning,
the women have a higher sperm count than the men!


No Trains, no planes! UK: the only nation that runs more efficiently in a World War than in snow spell.


Our father, who art in prison, my mum knows not his name, thy rioting done, you'll read it in the sun, in Birmingham as it is in London, give us this day our welfare bread & forgive us for Looting, as we forgive those who give ASBOS against us, lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing, for thine is the petrol bomb, the plunder & all its glories ,forever and ever...Safe, Jamal