This is my Journal of my Adventures, Dreams, and Thoughts.
Enjoy the Ride.
01 October 2013
28 September 2013
WHAT TO DO?
Being that the café is closed at the weekend in the hospital, I have no idea what to about food.
Candy is off to Morrisons this morning to get some sausage rolls and chicken bites,
etc for breakfast/lunch/dinner for today which should be alright but tomorrow I don’t know what to do as Candy can not afford the taxi fare as it is £25 both ways (£50 for the day in travelling).
Now the food here that they provide on the ward is barely edible,
it would be either cold, lots of fat on the meat based product, or it would look grey!
Now Candy could buy two lots of food today for tomorrow as well which is okay, but she won’t get to see me tomorrow.
I know she will go stir crazy over that and so will I but she could spend the time continuing packing up the stuff in the flat!
Now how do I convince her about this?
Answers on a postcard please.
lol
Candy is off to Morrisons this morning to get some sausage rolls and chicken bites,
etc for breakfast/lunch/dinner for today which should be alright but tomorrow I don’t know what to do as Candy can not afford the taxi fare as it is £25 both ways (£50 for the day in travelling).
Now the food here that they provide on the ward is barely edible,
it would be either cold, lots of fat on the meat based product, or it would look grey!
Now Candy could buy two lots of food today for tomorrow as well which is okay, but she won’t get to see me tomorrow.
I know she will go stir crazy over that and so will I but she could spend the time continuing packing up the stuff in the flat!
Now how do I convince her about this?
Answers on a postcard please.
lol
27 September 2013
THE TOILET ADVENTURES OF JASON!
I just had the worse hour in a while.
My stomach just went crazy and I needed to rush to the toilet,
I almost fell to the floor whilst I was transferring from the bed to my wheelchair and I really banged the underside of Mavis. (right stump),
I then tried to get into the small bathroom whilst banging the sink basin and the disabled handles and then I almost fell off again when I was getting on the toilet seat.
Flipping Eck!
Anyway I managed everything else without incident and I’m back on my bed being comforted by watching Hollyoaks.
Phew!!!
My stomach just went crazy and I needed to rush to the toilet,
I almost fell to the floor whilst I was transferring from the bed to my wheelchair and I really banged the underside of Mavis. (right stump),
I then tried to get into the small bathroom whilst banging the sink basin and the disabled handles and then I almost fell off again when I was getting on the toilet seat.
Flipping Eck!
Anyway I managed everything else without incident and I’m back on my bed being comforted by watching Hollyoaks.
Phew!!!
17 September 2013
02 September 2013
ULTRON UNLEASED
The actor named James Spader has been cast as the voice and possible motion capture avatar of the robotic super-villain ULTRON!
in the upcoming superhero movie AVENGERS 2: AGE OF ULTRON.
SUPER SUNDAY
We had a rather exciting afternoon today, as we were going through a corridor downstairs,
the fire alarms started going off and all the shutters started to close down on the Jewellers, Costa Coffee, and WHSmith.
Everybody started to evacuate in the surrounding area (Yellow Zone)
and it was quite frightening as we had no idea what was happening.
Even the fire brigade turned up and marched in like a force of nature.
We all stayed outside for at least 40 mins before going back in and Candy asked a lady from Costa what happened and it turned out that someone broke a glass cabinet in the jewellers and the alarm was set off.
Which on it’s own sounded very weird and not right.
I shall check out the gossip grapevine tonight or tomorrow for further details.
the fire alarms started going off and all the shutters started to close down on the Jewellers, Costa Coffee, and WHSmith.
Everybody started to evacuate in the surrounding area (Yellow Zone)
and it was quite frightening as we had no idea what was happening.
Even the fire brigade turned up and marched in like a force of nature.
We all stayed outside for at least 40 mins before going back in and Candy asked a lady from Costa what happened and it turned out that someone broke a glass cabinet in the jewellers and the alarm was set off.
Which on it’s own sounded very weird and not right.
I shall check out the gossip grapevine tonight or tomorrow for further details.
28 August 2013
WEIGHT LOSS
Since I have been in hospital now for 10 weeks I have lost 6 stone in weight and 4 stone in the loss of my legs.
I weigh now 17.5 stone, when I arrived here I was nearly 27 stone.
Pretty good except the loss of my legs.
Plenty of exercise, and not eating the crap food that they serve has done me some good.
I do eat one meal a day and that has always been something decent from the restaurant downstairs.
I weigh now 17.5 stone, when I arrived here I was nearly 27 stone.
Pretty good except the loss of my legs.
Plenty of exercise, and not eating the crap food that they serve has done me some good.
I do eat one meal a day and that has always been something decent from the restaurant downstairs.
INSULIN BE GONE!
Well so far it has been 5 weeks since I stopped taking my Insulin Injections
and 10 weeks since I stopped taking my Metaformin tablets
and my sugar levels have now levelled between 5-9
now with a spike of above 10+ whenever I eat Fish or have sugar in my cornflakes or coffee.
So it looks like I have my Diabetes in recession now
but I will still need to speak to someone from the Diabetic team to find out more.
I’m really pleased about this outcome,
I think I deserve some good luck coming my way and this might just be part of it.
and 10 weeks since I stopped taking my Metaformin tablets
and my sugar levels have now levelled between 5-9
now with a spike of above 10+ whenever I eat Fish or have sugar in my cornflakes or coffee.
So it looks like I have my Diabetes in recession now
but I will still need to speak to someone from the Diabetic team to find out more.
I’m really pleased about this outcome,
I think I deserve some good luck coming my way and this might just be part of it.
24 August 2013
THE NEW BATMAN
The actor who will play the new Batman in the upcoming movie -
Superman vs. Batman which is due out in 2015 has been named as Ben Affleck
who played another superhero in a Marvel movie -
Daredevil.
Now the choice for Batman has not gone down well for the fan boys,
and I admit he is not my first choice for the Caped Crusader.
I would have picked a British actor, someone like Richard Armitage.
I wonder if Matt Damon will play Robin?
Hahaha
Superman vs. Batman which is due out in 2015 has been named as Ben Affleck
who played another superhero in a Marvel movie -
Daredevil.
Now the choice for Batman has not gone down well for the fan boys,
and I admit he is not my first choice for the Caped Crusader.
I would have picked a British actor, someone like Richard Armitage.
I wonder if Matt Damon will play Robin?
Hahaha
23 August 2013
THE WITCHBINDER SERIES
I have just started writing ideas and intro notes for an upcoming story idea I have called The WitchBinder Series.
The main character of the book is named Oakly Roberts who is a WitchBinder
on a quest to defend his world from the forces of the evil witches that have invaded.
I still have not worked out how the story comes out,
either as a novel or a comic book or both!
Candy loves what I’ve written so far,
Well she loves everything I write and my ideas.
The main character of the book is named Oakly Roberts who is a WitchBinder
on a quest to defend his world from the forces of the evil witches that have invaded.
I still have not worked out how the story comes out,
either as a novel or a comic book or both!
Candy loves what I’ve written so far,
Well she loves everything I write and my ideas.
20 August 2013
OUR FATHER IS NOT HERE RIGHT NOW
Before going to my operation I tried to be calm
and I thought about saying the Lord’s Prayer to ease my mind,
and you know what?
I could not think what the words were,
I could only say the first few words and that was it.
I was shocked as I was a former Roman Catholic and knew my prayers back to front.
Maybe it was a sign from God that I did not need his help?
and I thought about saying the Lord’s Prayer to ease my mind,
and you know what?
I could not think what the words were,
I could only say the first few words and that was it.
I was shocked as I was a former Roman Catholic and knew my prayers back to front.
Maybe it was a sign from God that I did not need his help?
04 August 2013
THE NEXT DOCTOR!
The 12th Doctor has finally been revealed and it is Peter Calpadi.
He will take over the role of the Doctor from Matt Smith
when he bows out in the Christmas special this year.
Doctor Who will be shown on Christmas Day 2013.
He will take over the role of the Doctor from Matt Smith
when he bows out in the Christmas special this year.
Doctor Who will be shown on Christmas Day 2013.
03 May 2013
MY 38TH BIRTHDAY!!!
It's my Birthday and woohoo!
I don't really enjoy my birthday as I don't have much to celebrate and I'm mostly depressed all the time.
Last year I spent my birthday in Hospital which I hated and I thought things would be different now
but It is the same, I am in so much pain at the moment with my feet that it is making me cry and shout out in pain.
I have cried so much this week in pain and I am so fed up.
The best birthday I have had was my 30th which Candy whisked me off to Whitby for a mini caravan break.
I really enjoyed myself then, I was not in pain nor was I ill with my legs, etc.
Candy is trying her best to make me happy and I really do love her.
I got quite a few birthday messages from friends on Facebook.
I don't really enjoy my birthday as I don't have much to celebrate and I'm mostly depressed all the time.
Last year I spent my birthday in Hospital which I hated and I thought things would be different now
but It is the same, I am in so much pain at the moment with my feet that it is making me cry and shout out in pain.
I have cried so much this week in pain and I am so fed up.
The best birthday I have had was my 30th which Candy whisked me off to Whitby for a mini caravan break.
I really enjoyed myself then, I was not in pain nor was I ill with my legs, etc.
Candy is trying her best to make me happy and I really do love her.
I got quite a few birthday messages from friends on Facebook.
23 April 2013
COMING SOON WITH DOCTOR WHO!
And then on November 23rd we will have the 50th Anniversary special of Doctor Who.
18 April 2013
ANNIVERSARY OF (ALMOST) DEATH
One year ago today (18/04/12) I ended up in hospital with Kidney failure and my Heart rate dropping to a low 20, so much so that it needed defibrillating,
I was knocking on death’s door to see if they had any room and I scared the shit out of my Candy because of it,
She would not leave my side in the Hospital which I was grateful for.
I was hooked up to so many wires and machines including a Dialysis machine.
It was very scary and for the first few days I had no memory of what happened to me,
all I could remember was when the ambulance crew arrived and they had to strap me to a chair to carry me downstairs, all I was doing was apologising for being heavy.
I was in Hospital for just 9 days and I made an amazing recovery which was noted by the Doctors and the Physiotherapist.
Interesting times!
I was knocking on death’s door to see if they had any room and I scared the shit out of my Candy because of it,
She would not leave my side in the Hospital which I was grateful for.
I was hooked up to so many wires and machines including a Dialysis machine.
It was very scary and for the first few days I had no memory of what happened to me,
all I could remember was when the ambulance crew arrived and they had to strap me to a chair to carry me downstairs, all I was doing was apologising for being heavy.
I was in Hospital for just 9 days and I made an amazing recovery which was noted by the Doctors and the Physiotherapist.
Interesting times!
18 March 2013
DOCTOR WHO SERIES 7 PART 1
The Bells of Saint John
The Doctor’s search for Clara Oswald brings him to modern day London,
where wifi is everywhere.
Humanity lives in a wifi soup. But something dangerous is lurking in the signals, picking off minds and imprisoning them.
As Clara becomes the target of this insidious menace, the Doctor races to save her and the world from an ancient enemy.
The Rings Of Akhaten
Clara wants to see something awesome, so the Doctor whisks her off to the inhabited rings of the planet Akhaten, where the Festival of Offerings is in full swing.
Clara meets the young Queen of Years as the pilgrims and natives ready for the ceremony.
But something is stirring in the pyramid, and a sacrifice will be demanded.
Cold War
The Doctor and Clara land on a damaged Russian Submarine in 1983 as it spirals out of control into the ocean depths.
An alien creature is loose on board, having escaped from a block of Arctic ice. With tempers flaring and a cargo of nuclear weapons on board, it’s not just the crew but the whole of humanity at stake!
Hide
Clara and the Doctor arrive at Caliburn House, a haunted mansion sat alone on a desolate moor. Within its walls, a ghost hunting Professor and a gifted psychic are searching for the Witch of the Well.
Her apparition appears throughout the history of the building, but is she really a ghost? And what is chasing her?
The Doctor’s search for Clara Oswald brings him to modern day London,
where wifi is everywhere.
Humanity lives in a wifi soup. But something dangerous is lurking in the signals, picking off minds and imprisoning them.
As Clara becomes the target of this insidious menace, the Doctor races to save her and the world from an ancient enemy.
The Rings Of Akhaten
Clara wants to see something awesome, so the Doctor whisks her off to the inhabited rings of the planet Akhaten, where the Festival of Offerings is in full swing.
Clara meets the young Queen of Years as the pilgrims and natives ready for the ceremony.
But something is stirring in the pyramid, and a sacrifice will be demanded.
Cold War
The Doctor and Clara land on a damaged Russian Submarine in 1983 as it spirals out of control into the ocean depths.
An alien creature is loose on board, having escaped from a block of Arctic ice. With tempers flaring and a cargo of nuclear weapons on board, it’s not just the crew but the whole of humanity at stake!
Hide
Clara and the Doctor arrive at Caliburn House, a haunted mansion sat alone on a desolate moor. Within its walls, a ghost hunting Professor and a gifted psychic are searching for the Witch of the Well.
Her apparition appears throughout the history of the building, but is she really a ghost? And what is chasing her?
13 March 2013
THE POPE IDOL WINNER IS...
This evening we had a new Pope of the Catholic Church come into power -
Pope Francis I
Formally known as Jorge Mario Bergoglio,
A native of Buenos Aires, Argentina.
He serves as the 266th pope of the Catholic Church.
Pope Francis I
Formally known as Jorge Mario Bergoglio,
A native of Buenos Aires, Argentina.
He serves as the 266th pope of the Catholic Church.
12 March 2013
CARRY ON STARGATE
I got bored earlier and my HeadWorld came up with this -
If the Carry on Movies did the Stargate: SG1 series -
CARRY ON STARGATE -
Starring -
Terry Scott as General George Hammond
Sid James as Colonel Jack O’Neill
Barbara Windsor as Major Samantha Carter
Bernard Breslau as Teal’c
Charles Hawtrey as Dr. Daniel Jackson
Joan Sims as Dr. Janet Fraiser
Also Starring -
Kenneth Williams as Apophis (The Big Bad)
Hattie Jacques as Sha’re (Daniel’s Wife)
Jim Dale as Martouf (Tokra)
In an alternate universe somewhere, this could have happened.
If the Carry on Movies did the Stargate: SG1 series -
CARRY ON STARGATE -
Starring -
Terry Scott as General George Hammond
Sid James as Colonel Jack O’Neill
Barbara Windsor as Major Samantha Carter
Bernard Breslau as Teal’c
Charles Hawtrey as Dr. Daniel Jackson
Joan Sims as Dr. Janet Fraiser
Also Starring -
Kenneth Williams as Apophis (The Big Bad)
Hattie Jacques as Sha’re (Daniel’s Wife)
Jim Dale as Martouf (Tokra)
In an alternate universe somewhere, this could have happened.
08 March 2013
28 February 2013
FAREWELL POPE NAZI
This evening Pope Benedict XVI stepped down from the Catholic church
as it's supreme overlord.
He cited ill health as his reason.
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as it's supreme overlord.
He cited ill health as his reason.
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02 February 2013
28 January 2013
23 January 2013
AVENGERS TOYS
Candy has ordered two Avenger playsets for me at Argos.
The S.H.I.E..D. Helicarrier and the Quinjet.
The S.H.I.E..D. Helicarrier and the Quinjet.
CANDY SHOP
Candy has gone shopping to Northallerton to finish off what we could not last week.
I decided to stay at home as my legs are swollen and my back is hurting.
Candy won’t be too long shopping.
I told her to treat herself and me to prezzies,
so Candy is going to order some Avengers stuff for me at Argos and she will treat herself to a Netbook which she needs for her writing and artwork.
Candy misses using the internet as we have to share ‘DAVE’ our Laptop,
and often it’s me who uses it more often. lol
I really do miss her and worry about her when she goes out and she does the same about me staying at home on my own.
Since Nov 2004, we have only ever been apart when she goes out shopping for a short while
or when I was in hospital last year for a few weeks and even then the last week she stayed with me in my private room.
We are what you call Soulmates.
And I hope my friends have their own or will find one soon.
I decided to stay at home as my legs are swollen and my back is hurting.
Candy won’t be too long shopping.
I told her to treat herself and me to prezzies,
so Candy is going to order some Avengers stuff for me at Argos and she will treat herself to a Netbook which she needs for her writing and artwork.
Candy misses using the internet as we have to share ‘DAVE’ our Laptop,
and often it’s me who uses it more often. lol
I really do miss her and worry about her when she goes out and she does the same about me staying at home on my own.
Since Nov 2004, we have only ever been apart when she goes out shopping for a short while
or when I was in hospital last year for a few weeks and even then the last week she stayed with me in my private room.
We are what you call Soulmates.
And I hope my friends have their own or will find one soon.
20 January 2013
19 January 2013
SNOW CANDY
Stokesley is dangerous!
Ice and snow all over the place but there is no grit or salt on the ground,
not even on the cobbles.
Candy slipped a few times as she was distracted by the snowflakes and texting me about it. Lol
Ice and snow all over the place but there is no grit or salt on the ground,
not even on the cobbles.
Candy slipped a few times as she was distracted by the snowflakes and texting me about it. Lol
18 January 2013
MY BIG DAY OUT
Yesterday I finally got my DLA sorted and was paid my backdated amount of money, we just need to get Candy’s carers allowance paid to us and then we should be back to normal and not be struggling again(fingers crossed).
We went shopping to Northallerton and we treated ourselves to some prezzies as we never celebrated our birthdays, our anniversary and Christmas last year.
I did feel a bit guilty in buying stuff for us as we have not done so in such a long time but Candy reminded me that we deserved it after the last year of crapstorm we have both had.
We had a meal at the Durham Ox pub and I had an amazing cheese burger, chips, and onion rings which is a meal I’ve not had in a very long time and I have missed eating onion rings, Candy had hunters chicken with salad which she enjoyed.
As we were eating our meal, our landlord texted me wanting to know what time and where to meet us to pick up the rent.
So Candy met him to hand over our rent money and he ‘forgot’ to give us his account details for any future payments, he did say he would email me last night, but so far nothing.
(Dodgy Git!)
After our meal we went over to Argos to order some stuff to be delivered as we needed a vacuum cleaner and packing boxes.
Whilst we were there, I treated Candy to some My Little Pony stuff as she collects the toys and I bought myself a new mobile phone. It only cost me £9.99 and it is a small standard purple phone with text only, nothing fancy, no apps, no internet or camera. Which is how I like it.
It is smaller than a Star Trek Communicator!
I was feeling tired at this point as I had not been out in months and my back and legs stiffed up and was causing me lots of pain, so we went to Wilkensons for me to sit down and Candy did some more shopping.
At this point it had gone 4pm and I was in so much pain so instead of getting a bus home we ordered a taxi which cost us £30 but it was almost worth it as I had trouble getting my legs in and out and I hurt my left leg so much that it started to bleed, so Candy had to change my bandages.
It was not the taxi drivers fault, it was due to me having mobility issues and not being in a car for over a year.
It was both a good and bad day and I did get frustrated with myself for not being able to do lots and go to more shops but seeing that it has been the first time I’ve been out in over 7 months and not been shopping in over a year, I think I did okay.
I am going to try again next week to go back to Northallerton as I need to buy some books from Waterstones, buy lots more make-up at Boots for Candy and treat her to more clothes and check out the Blockbusters there before they close.
We went shopping to Northallerton and we treated ourselves to some prezzies as we never celebrated our birthdays, our anniversary and Christmas last year.
I did feel a bit guilty in buying stuff for us as we have not done so in such a long time but Candy reminded me that we deserved it after the last year of crapstorm we have both had.
We had a meal at the Durham Ox pub and I had an amazing cheese burger, chips, and onion rings which is a meal I’ve not had in a very long time and I have missed eating onion rings, Candy had hunters chicken with salad which she enjoyed.
As we were eating our meal, our landlord texted me wanting to know what time and where to meet us to pick up the rent.
So Candy met him to hand over our rent money and he ‘forgot’ to give us his account details for any future payments, he did say he would email me last night, but so far nothing.
(Dodgy Git!)
After our meal we went over to Argos to order some stuff to be delivered as we needed a vacuum cleaner and packing boxes.
Whilst we were there, I treated Candy to some My Little Pony stuff as she collects the toys and I bought myself a new mobile phone. It only cost me £9.99 and it is a small standard purple phone with text only, nothing fancy, no apps, no internet or camera. Which is how I like it.
It is smaller than a Star Trek Communicator!
I was feeling tired at this point as I had not been out in months and my back and legs stiffed up and was causing me lots of pain, so we went to Wilkensons for me to sit down and Candy did some more shopping.
At this point it had gone 4pm and I was in so much pain so instead of getting a bus home we ordered a taxi which cost us £30 but it was almost worth it as I had trouble getting my legs in and out and I hurt my left leg so much that it started to bleed, so Candy had to change my bandages.
It was not the taxi drivers fault, it was due to me having mobility issues and not being in a car for over a year.
It was both a good and bad day and I did get frustrated with myself for not being able to do lots and go to more shops but seeing that it has been the first time I’ve been out in over 7 months and not been shopping in over a year, I think I did okay.
I am going to try again next week to go back to Northallerton as I need to buy some books from Waterstones, buy lots more make-up at Boots for Candy and treat her to more clothes and check out the Blockbusters there before they close.
15 January 2013
WINTER WONDERLAND
Candy is an excitable little bunny today as it is SNOWING outside and she loves the snow
I'm not a huge fan of that weather but I better get used to it in case there is another Ice Age upon us.
Candy has even gone out shopping right now to buy treats and rescue Plushies from the evil charity shops.
We have a huge collection of Plushies which are like family to us,
and they really have become alive in a way, showing emotions and moving about when no one is watching.
So I have told Candy that she can buy more of them if we have money.
and finally we now have money, well not all of it but I have 11 weeks worth of backdated DLA benefits which will come in useful.
Hopefully we are both going to Northallerton to shop and to treat ourselves to some goodies.
Anyway I will update later.
I'm not a huge fan of that weather but I better get used to it in case there is another Ice Age upon us.
Candy has even gone out shopping right now to buy treats and rescue Plushies from the evil charity shops.
We have a huge collection of Plushies which are like family to us,
and they really have become alive in a way, showing emotions and moving about when no one is watching.
So I have told Candy that she can buy more of them if we have money.
and finally we now have money, well not all of it but I have 11 weeks worth of backdated DLA benefits which will come in useful.
Hopefully we are both going to Northallerton to shop and to treat ourselves to some goodies.
Anyway I will update later.
10 January 2013
THREE WOMEN
Three women were about to be executed.
One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.
The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !!
and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!".
Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests.
She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "TORNADO!"
Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
By now, the blonde had it all figured out.
They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"
One was a brunette, one a redhead, and the other a blonde.
The guard brought the first woman, the brunette, forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !!
and suddenly the brunette yelled, "EARTHQUAKE!".
Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
So they brought up the redhead and asked if she had any last requests.
She said no, and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ...!! and suddenly the redhead yelled "TORNADO!"
Everyone was startled and looked around. She escaped.
By now, the blonde had it all figured out.
They brought her forward and the executioner asked if she had any last requests.
She said no and the executioner shouted: "... Ready ... Aim ... !! and the blonde yelled, "FIRE!"
POOR GUY
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair,
while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck."
If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you too!!"
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair,
while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes!
He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck."
If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is probably very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he'll kill us.
Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you too!!"
DISPELLING THE MYTHS...
Seals are actually dog mermaids,
Bats are really mouse angels,
and
Rhinos are just fat unicorns!
Bats are really mouse angels,
and
Rhinos are just fat unicorns!
09 January 2013
6 FILM PLOTS IN 6 WORDS
1/ Incestuous Jedi Destroys Dad’s Metal Moon.
2/ Big gorilla takes unexpected City-break.
3/ Horse goes to War Comes Home.
4/ "Are you a Nice Prostitute?", "Yes".
5/ Kristin Stewart looks miserable for hours.
6/ Bond wins Poker, Receives Bollocks Torture.
2/ Big gorilla takes unexpected City-break.
3/ Horse goes to War Comes Home.
4/ "Are you a Nice Prostitute?", "Yes".
5/ Kristin Stewart looks miserable for hours.
6/ Bond wins Poker, Receives Bollocks Torture.
08 January 2013
UPCOMING SUPERHERO MOVIES
Iron Man 3 - April 26, 2013
Man Of Steel - June 14, 2013
Kick-Ass 2 - July 19, 2013
The Wolverine - July 25, 2013
Thor: The Dark World - November 8, 2013
Captain America: The Winter Solider - April 4, 2014
Amazing Spider-Man 2 - May 2, 2014
X-Men: Days Of Future Past - July 18, 2014
Guardians Of The Galaxy - August 1, 2014
Fantastic Four - March 6, 2015
The Avengers 2 - May 1, 2015
Justice League - June, 2015
Ant-Man - November 6, 2015
Doctor Strange - 2016
Dates might change.
Man Of Steel - June 14, 2013
Kick-Ass 2 - July 19, 2013
The Wolverine - July 25, 2013
Thor: The Dark World - November 8, 2013
Captain America: The Winter Solider - April 4, 2014
Amazing Spider-Man 2 - May 2, 2014
X-Men: Days Of Future Past - July 18, 2014
Guardians Of The Galaxy - August 1, 2014
Fantastic Four - March 6, 2015
The Avengers 2 - May 1, 2015
Justice League - June, 2015
Ant-Man - November 6, 2015
Doctor Strange - 2016
Dates might change.
07 January 2013
JOKE OR TRUTH?
A Muslim, An African, and a Socialist walk into a bar...
...the bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"
...the bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"
04 January 2013
EXTRA CHRISTMAS PREZZIES
Excellent!
My Christmas parcel has finally arrived,
I ordered a Luxury Plush Neck Massager for Candy and a Thundercats Thundertank for myself.
All down to order now, pay later scheme.
Candy has a huge happy smile on her face now!
My Christmas parcel has finally arrived,
I ordered a Luxury Plush Neck Massager for Candy and a Thundercats Thundertank for myself.
All down to order now, pay later scheme.
Candy has a huge happy smile on her face now!
02 January 2013
GOODBYE 2012 - HELLO 2013
Sorry for not being online, but I had no credit for my dongle!
Did you all have a good New Year’ Eve?
We had a quite one, watched some TV - Prince of Persia, Scary Movie 4, and Fletch.
Had a lovely dinner and I had a glass of whisky from a bottle we have had since Christmas 2011.
But the best part of the night was the kiss!
At 23:58pm until 00:02am I gave Candy the most passionate, loving kiss and cuddle in a long time as it ended 2012 for us and began 2013.
A very good end of a bad year and a fantastic beginning to a brand new year.
I hope everyone else had someone to share the end of 2012 with and if not, I hope you will find that love this coming year, as everyone of you all deserve love and cuddles.
Did you all have a good New Year’ Eve?
We had a quite one, watched some TV - Prince of Persia, Scary Movie 4, and Fletch.
Had a lovely dinner and I had a glass of whisky from a bottle we have had since Christmas 2011.
But the best part of the night was the kiss!
At 23:58pm until 00:02am I gave Candy the most passionate, loving kiss and cuddle in a long time as it ended 2012 for us and began 2013.
A very good end of a bad year and a fantastic beginning to a brand new year.
I hope everyone else had someone to share the end of 2012 with and if not, I hope you will find that love this coming year, as everyone of you all deserve love and cuddles.
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